idk...

Today started off wonderful but ended tragic. I should learn to listen and stop being so hard headed and stubborn. My dad always told me, "A hard head makes a soft a%&." And I really feel like one now.
See all would have been good if i considered someone else feelings. I've always only thought of my feelings only and never though of the others. Well let me not say it like that i have though of them but at the time i did not care.
But it hurts not to think of other peoples feelings. I cant explain the pain i feel because I've never felt this way. Maybe if i would have explained my position earlier, and not just springing it into action the end results would have been better, but I didn't and now I have this awful Pain.
I keep asking myself, why. I feel very very bad and I understand that i was extremely wrong, but how can you convey your feelings.
I have been hurt so much that I have been turned into this ugly monster and it is time that i soften up and get out of this because I don't want to ever hurt someone like that again. I felt the pain when it was too late. I needed to feel it when those words were coming out of my mouth.
I just hope that one day he can forgive me and I can show him I am not this ugly person. I really need to let go of my past and embrace that someone likes me for me, and their is NO ulterior motive, that I can be that special in someone's eyes.